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Vinolia Sim
Chayemba
16.09.1991
TK&SD Sutomo 1
FMSS 1b 2d 3f 4f
SP Biomedical Science




*high voltage content
*craziness
*EMO alert!
*no empty stomach
*parental guidance
*flooding of feelings


Bituwin - template
Dementee - image


If you think you can, you can!

Friday, June 29, 2007

Aims for this weekend:

complete emath textbook questions and graph
do english compre 2002 and 2003 and compo
revise Amath log graph and integration
finish Amath intergration homeworks
revise chemistry macromolecules
read up on bio microorganism
read up Gods words
closer to God

i know something for sure, if you want to achive all your aims, you have got to be discipline. Prelims will be in less than 2 months that means we have less than 60 days to prepare 8 subjects that we have been learning over a course of 2 years. do u think i can make it. well. i hope i do, but i cant even complete all my homeworks on time let alone revise for my prelim. sometime come to think about it, its really pathetic.

i should have blame myself for al this right. but now i cant. its my surrouding environment that doesnt support the way i learn. for example i live miles away from jurong library, the place where i like to study at.. there is no starbuks or some cafe nearby that i can mug n study there. my house is super duper hot that you will melt if you sit down and do your work.
but the biggest problem overall is no MOTIVATION.

today all of us received our prelim oral exam result and it was so depressing to see that i onli got 25 out of 40 and 75% Of the people actually got 30 and above.. i was expecting myself to get no less than 28, but i guess the truth is harsh. some people like zijian, caleb chng and rophi can actually get 37 for it! i guess i must learn how to talk from them and talk more to them!
to discourage me even more, ms hia says that those who get 30 and below has a very bad standard in english and need to buck up alot if not i wont help much in my written paper (something which i m very bad in).. by looking at my result, i m wondering should i get myself a tuition teacher for english. but it will be weird having some tuition for english right.

BAND PERFORMANCE coming up soon =) i cant wait to perform for the last time and get this done. hahas as i much as i hated band, i stil love it. but IAN has been asking everybody to boycott band today and guess what, he went for it himself in the end, what a failure.. hahas.. and how come everybody is like complaining on how band sucks nowadays. well ya it does suck, but at least we get to play some new song. phew not ALvamar AGAIN...

i have been trying to wake up at 3 for these 4 days and none of these tries i could wake up. i will be waking up at 5.30 or 6 or even worse 6.15... this has resulted in me not being able to complete my homework on time coz i normaly cant do hw at night once i get inside my room and on my com. well. but i need to prepare for prelim...

i remember there is this verse in e bible that says that we must depends on God for He is superior or something like that. we must acknowledge that He is better than us and cant depend on our own strength... well i think this is the time for me to depend on God and ask him for His help.

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Thursday, June 28, 2007

sometime i will keep telling myself not to give up
sometime i will motivate myself
sometime i will think of things from the bright side.
sometime i will just tell myself i have had enough
sometime i will blame it on myself
sometime i will blame others
sometime i will just wonder whether i can be like yanling.
sometime i will wonder can i be motivated as her.
sometime i will just lost hope
in myself, my parents, my friends, my teachers, everybody.
but i keep telling myself that u can dont care about others, but Jesus wil be there for you..
i believe. i want to believe more. even more...
but something is just seem to stop me from doing that.
for whatever reason.. i seemed to be driftin away from God.
i am spiritually dry now. i am thirsty for his care, his love and his advice.
i want to walk together with him in my journey of this life that He has given me, that He has plan for me.
please show me the way Lord...

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Sunday, June 24, 2007

i dont know how to describe how i feel now.
the feeling of loneliness deep inside me. that cant be described with words.
the feeling of him, my father, my lovely father, whose face i cant see anymore tomorrow.
as he walked away from me.. carrying 2heavy bags with him towards the bustop miles away from my block. tears seemed to roll down my cheeks, but. i told myself not to...

STOP BEING SO SAD VINOLIA, you are going to see him soon! in less than a month. at last, I Hold back my tears.. went up to my house, still feeling empty inside...............

i have spent the entire today and yesterday with him, venturing all sorts of seller frm watch to ivory to the flea market in chinatown. yes, its only 2 days. but in this 2 days i learnt ALOt of valuable things in my life and him. things that not everyone can learn frm anybody.. the times that i spent with him seemed to pass so fast.

a few days ago, i was filled with joy to think that i will be able to see my dear father coming to singapore. but that happiness is all filled with sorrow now after the 2 days had passed. i am hoping that i was just dreaming and i wanted to go back to yesterday when i just met him before we start our 2 days journey together.

although i didnt show my true feeling to him, i m sure he can feel the pain inside my heart to be apart from him. the feelings in 2 days just grow so deep that tears just cant stop rolling down. the pain is slashing my heart into pieces.
but all i can do now is to thank god for giving me a wonderful 2 days with him and hope that he can come back to singapore on the 13th next month as planned.. in jesus name i prayed, AMEN.

Friday, June 22, 2007

i decide to re write post for blog because i think that blogging is the best way to let go all your emotions and how are you feeling right now without scared of being sued and complained ( provided if we make our blog private) which i am planning to do now. and yeah its private so no one can view it unless you know the adress.
so far, only vinolia knows about it, and apparently, vinolia is me. so yah. well its kinda lame. cant blame me,i am feeling so down, so useless about myself for not being a good teamate, feeling so angry and myself and my friends 'or people that i call friends and overall so sad.

sometime i just dont understand what is going on in this world. it is just like a game... if you dont play HARD you will lose and thats it. THE END. well life is also about the same and when you lose in the end, you cant blame anyone but yourself. thats is when people start asking themselves, 'is it a fair game?' well i can say its not. the theory is as simple as this
"if you play hard, you get it. you win it"

well.what if one of your close friend say this to you :

'Vi tmr you just come in sch u ok. we have to think of whats best fr e grp. we ve rli been tru alot and u werent there to even watch. let alone help'

precisely. it is TRUE that i didnt help much in the first place because i am back in indonesia and i CANT help. you should see how slow is the internet connection there before accusing pp for being lazy and dont want to go online or blah blah just doesnt make sense right. 44 KBPS! what can you do with 44kbps?
but just past few days, i stayed back to make the chocolate even though i was feeling very sick. FOR WHAT? i feel bad becoz i didnt help much.
yesterday i tried to do the introduction part for the script and when i ask nina how to write for the conclusion, she say, nvm she will do. FOR WHAT? its suppose to be her PART anw. but i want to contribute. i FEEL bad.
today and tmr. we are suppose to present in our booth promoting our chocolate. i want to present FOR WHAT? i want to help the group. want to prove to them, want to contribute. but what did dey say to me?? well you can read yourself up there.

wads the stupid reason? i got caugh and cant present well and scared will bring the whole group down, and there is only 1 person per grp who is presenting. well when i asked keith who is presenting, and he said the whole grp! which is exactly 6 people! great... thats so cool 6=1 haha. did you fail your maths or somethihg?

well. even though i got caugh, during the trial i can even speak louder than megan who is fit and yeah. well nvm, since is for the best of our group, i will just take it.......
i will probably just look like a walking dummie in schl u whereby everybody else will wear blazer and court shoes.

now i feel much much better than just now. at least i can let go all my feeling of sadness and angriness. if i were to put it inside i think i will really explode sooner or later. sometime, i just dont want to care about all those litle stuff that u all think it wont affect me, bt infact it does really..... really.......
its all inside me.

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