i decide to re write post for blog because i think that blogging is the best way to let go all your emotions and how are you feeling right now without scared of being sued and complained ( provided if we make our blog private) which i am planning to do now. and yeah its private so no one can view it unless you know the adress.
so far, only vinolia knows about it, and apparently, vinolia is me. so yah. well its kinda lame. cant blame me,i am feeling so down, so useless about myself for not being a good teamate, feeling so angry and myself and my friends 'or people that i call friends and overall so sad.

sometime i just dont understand what is going on in this world. it is just like a game... if you dont play HARD you will lose and thats it. THE END. well life is also about the same and when you lose in the end, you cant blame anyone but yourself. thats is when people start asking themselves, 'is it a fair game?' well i can say its not. the theory is as simple as this
"if you play hard, you get it. you win it"

well.what if one of your close friend say this to you :

'Vi tmr you just come in sch u ok. we have to think of whats best fr e grp. we ve rli been tru alot and u werent there to even watch. let alone help'

precisely. it is TRUE that i didnt help much in the first place because i am back in indonesia and i CANT help. you should see how slow is the internet connection there before accusing pp for being lazy and dont want to go online or blah blah just doesnt make sense right. 44 KBPS! what can you do with 44kbps?
but just past few days, i stayed back to make the chocolate even though i was feeling very sick. FOR WHAT? i feel bad becoz i didnt help much.
yesterday i tried to do the introduction part for the script and when i ask nina how to write for the conclusion, she say, nvm she will do. FOR WHAT? its suppose to be her PART anw. but i want to contribute. i FEEL bad.
today and tmr. we are suppose to present in our booth promoting our chocolate. i want to present FOR WHAT? i want to help the group. want to prove to them, want to contribute. but what did dey say to me?? well you can read yourself up there.

wads the stupid reason? i got caugh and cant present well and scared will bring the whole group down, and there is only 1 person per grp who is presenting. well when i asked keith who is presenting, and he said the whole grp! which is exactly 6 people! great... thats so cool 6=1 haha. did you fail your maths or somethihg?

well. even though i got caugh, during the trial i can even speak louder than megan who is fit and yeah. well nvm, since is for the best of our group, i will just take it.......
i will probably just look like a walking dummie in schl u whereby everybody else will wear blazer and court shoes.

now i feel much much better than just now. at least i can let go all my feeling of sadness and angriness. if i were to put it inside i think i will really explode sooner or later. sometime, i just dont want to care about all those litle stuff that u all think it wont affect me, bt infact it does really..... really.......
its all inside me.

Labels: the fire that has been burning for long inside me feel like exploding right now.

12:55 AM ·